So I’m about to blow some minds… This post is going to be all about how there is NO SUCH THING as a “perfect recovery.”
Sounds logical right? Well, our logical minds definitely think so. However, the eating disordered, irrational, emotional side of our brains beg to differ. When you’re in the moment, your eating disorder is going to try and convince you that your recovery isn’t going well enough and so you should just give up. Shoutout to all my fellow perfectionists. Eating disorders are often a perfectionist’s illness. Anorexia told me I needed to be skinny to be perfect, and bulimia told me I couldn’t gain weight or let anybody know of my struggles to maintain a perfect image.
Whether you’re experiencing a relapse, whether you’re comparing yours recovery to somebody else’s recovery, whether you’re just struggling in general, it’s going to be hard to not strive for perfection. Connecting with other people with eating disorders is so rewarding and inspiring in some ways, and sometimes it leaves a lot of space for comparison. I especially compare my body to others, wishing that I had a “perfect” weight restored body and even a sick enough body when I started my recovery. I’m just here to tell you that there is no time better to start your recovery than NOW no matter if you are underweight, at a normal weight, or overweight.
Recovery is not something you can just assume is the same for everyone. For me, the unexpected curve ball of bulimia was thrown into my anorexia recovery, and that doesn’t happen to everyone. Oftentimes, relapses are more frequent for some, for some, they may never relapse. The same goes for health problems accompanying eating disorders. For example, some people never lose their periods even after months or years of traumatic eating/not eating. You’ve just got to find what works best for you. Whether it’s medication, a really good therapist, yoga, minnie maud, treating yourself to yummy food, or a number of other things!
Perfection cannot be reached. You can’t even come close to it because everybody’s definition of perfect is different anyways! In some ways that is freeing, in some ways it’s just another motivation to prove people wrong, that you can be perfect, or at least look like it. The same goes for recovery, everything is different.
You’re human and that’s an amazing thing to be. What would it be like if we were all the same, with nothing to make us unique? We have thoughts and consciences for a reason, we have different features, different backgrounds, different struggles… Make your eating disorder part of the past, and lay your perfectionist dreams to rest. Instead, plan a trip you may never go on, make friends, live your life the way that your soul wants to. Someday I want to be as happy as a dog. Set your own goals, and I promise you, with a little time you’ll get there.
Disclaimer: My dog is generally very happy, she just doesn’t like taking selfies with me…