Hello. Perhaps you are an old subscriber of mine or simply an internet wanderer who has stumbled upon this post. Regardless of your past, I will open this post, my first in about 18 months, with a brief bit of my own past: I had an eating disorder. The thing that has changed since my last post is that I can now comfortably use a past tense verb. As you may notice, my years-old posts prior to this one were documenting life as I recovered. Things have changed pretty significantly since then. Living a life not dictated by obsession has given me wholeness, for the first time in a long time. Continue reading
My therapist. God, I don’t know what I’d do without her. Yesterday she told me about a conference she’d recently gone to. She told me the story that the speaker had told. It hit me hard. I agreed with it so much and it made so much sense applying it to my own recovery. I’m definitely not going to explain it as well as she did, but I’m going to try. Here is the story… Continue reading
Some people treat their eating disorder as a person and I can totally relate to that. However when I was being forced into recovery, I thought people who named their disorders were “stupid” and I thought the overall concept was really childish. I thought, “my eating disorder isn’t like a person, it is a part is me, it’s a burden I have brought upon myself and everything is my fault.” In many ways, I liked my eating disorder, and the superior feeling I felt when restricting and losing weight. When I became weight restored, I felt heavy with grief (no pun intended). This is when I became to see my eating disorder as a person, but this person wasn’t an enemy, they were a friend. Continue reading
There’s an old saying, “Let food be thy medicine.” I am challenging that today by saying, “Let food AND music be thy medicine.” Music is proven to lower anxiety and release chemicals in your brain that make you feel good.
When I’m in need of a little pick me up, usually I just turn to some kind of distraction. However, this doesn’t get rid of the problem, but only puts it off. For me, music changes my feelings and my moods. If I listen to sad music, I’m more likely to curl up in a ball and cry. If I listen to classical music, I’m more likely to take a nap. When I listen to happy music, I feel like I’m ready to tackle all my challenges and enjoy life.
I have put together a mood boosting playlist, which is a compilation of some of my personal favorites and the some of your favorites which I asked for in a post! Continue reading
So I’m about to blow some minds… This post is going to be all about how there is NO SUCH THING as a “perfect recovery.”
Sounds logical right? Well, our logical minds definitely think so. However, the eating disordered, irrational, emotional side of our brains beg to differ. When you’re in the moment, your eating disorder is going to try and convince you that your recovery isn’t going well enough and so you should just give up. Shoutout to all my fellow perfectionists. Eating disorders are often a perfectionist’s illness. Anorexia told me I needed to be skinny to be perfect, and bulimia told me I couldn’t gain weight or let anybody know of my struggles to maintain a perfect image. Continue reading
Today I am excited to write a “photography tips and tricks” post for all of you! I get a lot of compliments on my photos on Instagram, and I want to share some of the things I have learned over time about what looks best and how to enjoy the process!
First, I am going to give you a little background on my photography history. When I was nine years old, my grandparents gave me an adorable little digital camera to play with and I have loved photography ever since. I used to and still do take a lot of nature photos (check out my portfolio here) but I only recently started taking photos of my food when I discovered the Instagram recovery community. Continue reading
Something that has been on my mind lately is telling my friends about my eating disorder/depression. I was lucky in some ways that I never had to officially tell my parents about my struggles because they figured it out on their own. However, my peers who don’t spend as much time with me don’t know exactly how much I’ve been struggling these past few years with different kinds of eating disorders. I’m sure they have noticed my changes in weight, the way I sometimes avoided food, and that some days I seemed to be very quiet and tired and cold.
From experience, I have realized two things… Continue reading